It’s a relationship killer, and sometimes that’s even the point of the behavior.
The silent treatment is used to punish, incite a response from the other person, or it can be a passive-aggressive way to end a relationship free of responsibility or guilt - sometimes all three. In my opinion, each is a cowardly way of making a point.
When used to incite a response, the giver of the silent treatment feels they have been wronged or are hurt by something you did. Instead of having the balls to confront you about what it is that’s bothering them, they punish you with silent torture and wait until you are irritated enough to confront them yourself. They feel validated by knowing you cared enough to get upset and react and it also gives them the sense that they have the upper hand in the relationship.
Sometimes the silent treatment is used to purposely piss you off enough so that you will end the relationship, thereby relieving them of the task. When your response to their withdrawal is being angry enough to walk away, they don’t have to feel guilty about hurting you by ending the relationship - because you did.
“The best judge of how a passive aggressive (person) feels about an issue is how
they act. Normally they don't act until after they've caused some kind of stress
by their ambiguous way of communicating.”
Exactly. And also most likely why they felt put upon enough to act out the silent treatment in the first place.
Whatever the intent is for giving the silent treatment nothing positive comes from this type of behavior. The silent treatment purposely shuts out the other person, with the goal being to receive some satisfaction from punishing you instead of trying to work toward a resolution and addressing whatever it is that upset him.
Unfortunately, those with passive aggressive tendencies are usually unaware of the impact on you, so may have no idea what you are talking about when - or if - you call them out for being so inconsiderate. They can’t accept or take responsibility for provoking a negative response from you and therefore will feel THEY are the victim of wrongdoing from your response (or lack of it).
The silent treatment is a way to manipulate a reaction out of you, and quite possibly one that causes the end of the relationship.
From my experience, anyone who has used the silent treatment even once doesn’t have relationship staying power.
The silent treatment, though more mild than others, is a form of abuse and over time can take its toll on a relationship. Plus it shows extreme immaturity and the inability to communicate effectively.
“In their eyes, all they want to do is give of themselves. Problem is,
this comes with a price - an expectation that you'll return the favor, and
moodiness if you don't.”
Who can live with that? To the one giving the silent treatment; whoever caves first wins, which of course would have to be you. This is a sick and completely unnecessary stand off that I’m not willing to play. Deciding NOT to respond to the silent treatment ends the game.
The one who initiated the silent treatment can then lick his wounds while reassuring himself the relationship wasn’t going to work since you couldn’t meet his expectations (like responding). Not a very mature or amicable way to part ways but better than to put up with it.
Getting the silent treatment - even once – is a major red flag for me. Twice is definitely a deal breaker.
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